GENIUS! How To Deal With Lib Morons Online: Punchable USB-Connected Enter Key Stress Relief Pillow

Dealing with Internet trolls and less than intelligent liberals can be a frustrating experience. Whether it is Black Lives Matter supporters, ANTIFA thugs who are named after video game characters and still live in their parent’s basement, or your run-of-the-mill liberal who thinks President Trump is a Nazi, conversing with these folks may leave a person extremely frustrated wishing that they could punch the stupid out of said liberal internet troll. Of course, there is the logistical problem of actually doing this and the fact that assault is illegal, but the feeling of frustration is still there. What does a conservative do?

Well, if you are so inclined, you can now purchase an Enter Key Throw Pillow. This is an actual pillow, which you can connect to your computer, and when the mood strikes, you can punch it instead of someone else. Working in an office all day, this Enter Key Pillow also presents a huge advantage. Every day while I’m at my day job, I’m subjected to listening to the liberals spew nonsense about President Trump, the evil Conservatives, and why Hillary Clinton is the second coming of Christ. My day job, which is in the hi-tech industry, is flooded with hordes of liberals who oddly enough follow a very capitalistic approach when it comes to doing business. Yet, if I were to come out as a Conservative, I’d likely be ostracized and fired, so in the workplace, I keep my politics to myself. Hence, this is why this pillow would be such a huge asset.

The frustration and fake news which liberal morons spread know no bounds. Even in the midst of President Trump helping pass out supplies to Hurricane Harvey victims, the liberal trolls, along with the mainstream media, were more focused on First Lady Melania Trump’s shoes than reporting factual events. CNN was even caught staging a rescue on live television. On a daily basis, I combat this spread of fake news and nonsense because I love my country and my President, but it takes its toll and I can’t get to the gym until 5 pm. Punching an object rather than a person is a great solution for me. Of course, I am sure that once I start punching a pillow at my desk repeatedly, my coworkers are going to look at me strangely.  Perhaps, just to blend in with liberal logic, I will pull out a Quran and a prayer rug to make it look normal.

This Enter Key Pillow is a great solution for work or home, but unfortunately, the company that makes this product does not have a mobile version. If they did I would buy it. There have been numerous occasions where I’ll be somewhere with my phone and I happen to see the full display of liberal stupidity on Facebook by my liberal brethren. In this scenario, if I punched my phone, this would cost me $700 and a trip to the mobile phone store causing me to wait in line and deal with even more liberals. Not something I ever look forward to. My suggestion is for this company to make a version which works via Bluetooth. For now, I will have to settle for punching my steering wheel and talking to myself in public.

The way I see it, liberals have their Play-Doh, kittens, safe spaces, and coloring books, so why can’t conservatives have this. Anytime one of these keyboard warriors gets offended or as they like to say, “triggered,” they turn to their playthings for comfort. It is only fair that conservatives have something as well.

I remember when President Trump won the election and was then sworn into office. Liberals across America were in a trauma as if someone had died. They were crying and cursing and so distraught that some of them were on the floor balled up like a small child. Later on, these same “adults” who were college students were given time off from class and therapy sessions to deal with their grief. There they were with their kittens, Play-Doh, and safe spaces crying to one another about how their chosen one, Hillary Clinton, lost the election. When President Trump won the election, I was jumping up and down and thanking God for saving America. Yet, having this punch pillow connected to my computer would have made the experience even better.

H/T [Geeks are sexy]




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